Daily O 24

Tonight @ 11:50:

• Went to a modeling casting call for Manhunt. Not what I had expected. Lackluster.
• Meditation has fully become a part of my diet.
• Proud of myself. For no particular reason.

Daily O 23

Tonight @ 1:

• The interview was a circus. I navigated well. Results pending.
• Wasn't able to afford to buy Legacy business cards. Suspecting Cosmos.
• Prospects abound today: BAM wants to interview me next week for an usher position. Manhunt model casting call tomorrow. And submitted my headshot to New Jersey Shakes for their upcoming tour.
• Noticed that my torso wants to lean right or left when sitting. Also, my head has a tendency to cock to the left since childhood.

Daily O 22

Tonight @ 1:

• Interesting events. I got up and was very motivated to work. I sent out resumes and headshots, responded to casting calls, modeling gigs, administrative jobs. I was on fire. Very proud. Did it with time to spare.
• Spent the better part of the day preparing for tonight's performance of my poem at the Nuyorican.
• Then... Precipitous cosmic obstacles. (1) My train crawled and paused frequently along the way, 'causing me to meet late with Ashley. (2) Though I didn't realize it at the time, I misread our emails indicating where we'd meet. So we both completely missed each other, 'causing me to have to walk there myself. (3) When I got there, there was a sign posted that they were closed for repairs and cleanup due to the past weekend's hurricane. — Completely thwarted.
Which raises the question: Why? — Several speculations. Needless to say, I was very disappointed and disgruntled despite having meditated.
• Ashley and I couldn't even hangout 'cause not 30mins later she got a phonecall from her mother asking for her help and immediate physical assistance. WTF? — If I wasn't supposed to go out tonight, why not make that clear sooner? Why the wasted time and effort?
• Uniqlo interview tomorrow.
• Going to purchase Legacy business cards tomorrow.
• There are huge answers to the day's events. I'm sure of it.

Daily O 21

Tonight @ 12:30:

• Intentionally didn't blog yesternight. Or vlog. Just wanted to have a different day.
• Very close to getting Legacy business cards.
• Mom was having a bad day. Took it out on me. But thanks to today's earlier meditation, I didn't absorb it or take it personally. Very proud of myself.
• Cadence came over to give mom and dad time to sleep after their first week of parenting. I got to watch and hold her for a while. I love having a baby to hold. For a moment, it was as if she were mine. I just kept showering her with love.
• Things are about to change this week. I just know it.
• I'm so glad that I'm meditating regularly.

Daily O 19

Tonight @ 1:

• Went out for drinks with Ashley at her favorite bar. Necessary. I'm a good counselor. And it makes me love myself better.
• The day went by so fast. Went to the market to pickup some stuff for mom. It's weird: when I step out of the house, I have to remind myself to be myself.
• Didn't meditate. I will before bed.
• Felt amazing today heading to the bar, and I think it had everything to do with my outfit.

Daily O 18

Tonight @ 1:

• Had sex with a very hot 40yr old. Wow.
• No work on Legacy today. Stormy weather.
• Meditated after sex. I felt called to do so.
• Applied for a few jobs I'd never want to work. Appeasing the mother.
• Didn't use the free tix I won to see a ballet on screen in HD. I thought it was a live performance. — I think I really just wanted to see me win something.
• Wrote a slam poem on love and my husband. Very proud of it, and think I will perform it at the Nuyorican Poet's Cafe on Monday.

Daily O 17

Tonight @ 3:30:

• Bought Legacy domain (golegacy.org). Still have to link it to Wix.
• Just finished watching "Doing Time on Maple Drive". It's been 19yrs since the first time I saw it when I was 11. Still powerful. What a forward program. And gripping.
• Great meditation today. Contacted my angels, and Jesus Christ.
• Sleeping on the other couch now. It's cosmically good to switch.
• I cosmically feel different.
• I love myself.

Daily O 16

Tonight @ 1:

• Finessed the Legacy website.
• We had an earthquake and I loved it.
• Saw Tyne Daly on Charlie Rose with Terrance McNally. — Wow. Can't wait to work with her.
• Thinking that if I want to skyrocket my life I should just start doing all the things that scare me.
• Proud that I'm on a work binge.

Daily O 15

Tonight @ 1:

• My cell phone service is currently off. But I discovered that the wifi still allows me to use the Internet via phone.
• Finished LEGACY website. It looks beautiful. So proud.
• Tanned on the roof today and really enjoyed it. — Susan's right: It's very important for me to be in elevated places connecting with Nature.
• Still befuddled by my relationship with JCrew: I get the catalog in the mail, and I'm drawn to their fashion as a symbol of my success. If I had a vision board, I'd plaster it with some of their images (especially their boots/shoes). But, at the same time, they don't really have clothes in my size. What's that about?

Daily O 14

Tonight @ 1:

• So proud of myself. Completed the outline for Legacy. And also started the website, which is looking good.
• Loving this summer's storms. It's like God is talking just to me.
• Oddly enough, got my second call for a massage within a week. Perhaps I should stop ignoring them. If I get a third, I'll know something is up.

Daily O 13

Tonight @ 2:

• Taught choreo and wedding dance to Kate & Ming in Park Slope. Heavenly.
• Very proud of that. Made me yearn for something better.
• Watched gymnastics on TV with Nathan on the phone. He truly is my best friend. I had so much fun.
• Still dodging my work. I will do it tomorrow.

Daily O 12

Tonight @ 2:34:

• Forgetting to blog. Gotta get back in the habit.
• Vlogging regularly though.
• Sex is my distraction. Devious. Haven't made headway with "Legacy" due to this.
• I'm an uncle. Welcome Cadence.
• I choreographed a dance for Kate Baker & Ming's wedding. Did it in one hour. Its their "couple's dance" and wedding song. I'm honored. The song is "I Will" by the Beatles.
• I feel different. Like a different person.
• Submitted the complete materials to The Public's EWG yesterday. I made the jump. Very proud.

Daily O 11

Tonight @ 1:50AM:

(Preface: Apologies for the absence of the last 2 blogs. The first one — which was on my Birthday — was intentional. The second was neglect.)

— My birthday:
• Spent it alone in three parks (Madison, Central, and Washington).
• Cheered-up by a homeless gay man named Daniel. We talked about books, favorite Hollywood actresses from the Golden Age, Broadway Musicals and divas. Then he serenaded me with a song from "Follies". It was a good long talk.
• Lonely day.
• Went to James' sex party. Hottest one I've been to in a long time.
• Planning on recelebrating in the future with my Husband.

— Tonight:
• Very productive day.
• Created 5-year Plan, and gained much needed insight as well as perspective.
• Wrote Artistic Statement for Emerging Writer's Group.
• Began daily Vlog.
• Great meditation today.
• In better spirits all around, and think it has everything to do with the acknowledgement of the ending of my Saturn return.

Daily O 8

Birthday, beginning @ 12:40AM:

• Laundry.
• Cut & edited "Much Ado" to under an hour. Monopolized my day and night. On to "Othello".
• No meditation.
• Applied for jobs.
• Productive day.
• What will this day be like...? ... I wonder...
What will my future be...? ... I wonder...

Daily O 7

Tonight @ 4AM:

• The moon has been my companion this whole week. And we've been having conference every night.
• Woke up in a great mood. Figured out some stuff last night after having re-listened to Susan's reading.
• Ashley took me out to a pre-birthday dinner. Sushi. Then the park. Very good time.
• Was a bit solemn for part of the evening. She noticed. I think it is due to my upcoming birthday.
• Re-listened to Tony's reading before bed tonight. I understand now.
• Going to make a list. And I know what to do next.
• The Cosmos is going to gift me with my own home before this summer is done. And I will work.

Daily O 6

Tonight @ 12:

• Went and saw "The Help" alone. It was fantastic!
• Didn't meditate. Sidetracked. The result of which showed when I went for a walk with my mom this evening. I came back fuming.
• Applied for a job at BAM.
• It's official: No one is available for my 30th birthday. It's like some great big joke.
• Think I might have an idea of what to do next.

Daily O 5

Tonight @ 1:

• Just saw the best documentary ever: "Superheroes".
It's still doing a number on me. I can feel it in my chest. There's a pain and a tightness like something is trying to let go. I keep taking these great sighs to help it.
• The New York Initiative... There's gotta be something I can do to help. But how?
• Figured out the mediation sweats. It's a form of healing. And could lead to an out of body experience.
• I was a bit depressed today. But meditating got me out of it.
• Pretty sure I acquired a new FWB.

Daily O 4B

Tonight @ 2:

• Meditation on the roof tonight was a bust. I was immediately set upon by 3 mosquitos. They left their marks.
• But it was extremely hard to leave. The air, the stars, the moon, the view — was perfect. I must have said "goodnight, I love you" ten times.
• I'll be back.
• Nathan and I are cosmically in the same place, which I find odd 'cause our lives are currently so different. On paper.
• I wonder if we're ALL looking for a change...
• Shaved my legs, cut my hair, shaved my face. That was the first time I ever did all those things together for myself and not because I was getting ready to have sex. I was very matter-of-fact.

Daily O 4A

Today @ 3:

• Just finished meditating. Drifted in and out of sleep. Feel like I may have hit a ceiling. But yet I do feel calm and collected and confident.
• The new position of my hands on my thighs is great. 
• Noticed indentations of my palms, creating prints/patterns on my thighs. Funny, that.
• Stil sweating.
• I think my mother needs to hear from me throughout the day because she gets lonesome at her desk. And I'm a comfort to her.
• No urge to really go out today. 
• My routine and distractions are appearing to wane. I may be growing weary of them and the monotony. If this is true, I'm excited.
• "Game of Thrones" book 5 seems to be my most reliable source of soul-entertainment.

Mid-Day Image:

www.lamarlewis.com

Daily O 3B

Tonight @ 1:25:

• Was momentarily obsessed with taking tests on whether or not I'd survive a zombie apocalypse.
• They were surprisingly extensive.
• 4 taken. Results? Not good. Although I have skills and brains. My lack of weaponry experience would hold me back unless I found an armed group FAST, and learned how to use a gun quick.
• Became oddly morose when queried by my family about my upcoming birthday. Sad, indeed.
• Do not like my mother's driving.
• Grateful for the moon's presence within the last few nights. Planning on a nighttime meditation on the roof tomorrow eve. Think I have a lot to benefit from it.
• Uber-excited about the end of my Saturn Return. It's time to get back on track.
• This should be an interesting week.

Daily O 3A

Today @ 3:45:

• Woke up in the weirdest state of catatonics. Lasted over three hours.
• Went to the roof to read. Too hot. Listened to ascension music as the clouds and sun unfastened before me.
• Ascended.
• When finished, my catatonic bouts deepened. Found myself staring into nothingness for long periods. My body frozen like a statue, unaware of space and time and heat.
• They say this used to happen to Socrates. Deep in thought. 
• My thoughts were not "deep". No significant change from usual thoughts. 
• Its a lot like the Wizard of Oz. I manipulate a gargantuan machine of smoke and fire, then leave the console to retreat to a quiet shadowed corner to think about things and hear myself.
• Rediscovered the monarch of ME. 
• Drawing myself towards my Castle and my Court.
• Talked with Cecil. ... Birthday plans.
• Starting to suspect the reconnection might cosmically be for my benefit.
• I'm a cat.
• Dreamt that I was in the old brooklyn apartment (Park Slope). In the bathroom. 
• I took a piss in the dark (saw no reason to turn on the light), but the stream was going everywhere, and I couldn't control it no matter what I did. I silently cursed at the annoyance of this.
• Turned on the light. Began to clean up. But Sylvester, our cat, would not get away from the bowl no matter how hard I pushed. Eventually, he stretched his butt over the toilet and started to pee. 
• Astonishment, clearly.
• When he was done, he got down and I tried to flush, but the tank was giving me trouble.
• Wouldn't flush properly, and the water was turning soapy/sudsy.
• Sylvester, then, jumped into the bowl, drenching his entire body in our urine.
• Supremely aggravated, clearly.
• He got out, and I got the toilet to flush. Turned on the bathtub faucet to wash him. 
• He wasn't having it, 'though initially curious.
• I cleaned the mess around the toilet bowl. And that's all I recall.
• Other than the fleeting lucid thought that I ought to remember this dream.
• Thinking about job situation: Scaggs of resumes I've sent for various types of jobs over the course of a month.
• Not so much as an interview???
• Suspecting cosmically imposed standstill.

Mid-Day Image:

www.lamarlewis.com

Daily O 2B

Tonight @ 1:

• My sister and I are doing well thanks to Words With Friends and a suicidal cousin.
• Read a lot today. Didn't write again.
• Noticed something new happening when I meditate: My body temperature rises a lot. My clothes are stuck to my skin with sweat even with the AC confirming that the room temperature has dropped.
• At least the third time I've noticed this.
• What is that about? 'Cause when I sleep with the AC on, I wake up freezing in the morning.
• Something weird happened in my brain while watching TV: In a random moment, suddenly, I could feel a whirring inside my brain, and a sense of spacial movement or expansion. At least, I think that's what it was.
• Nothing prompted this. I was doing nothing special. I ate nothing weird today. And one could say that all I did today was sit on my butt, which was no different than the day before. Just in the living room.
• So why and what happened escapes me.
• It lasted no more than 5 seconds. But I felt it. So strongly that I tuned-out of the show to take note.
• My thought being: "What... the fuck... is THAT?"
• Have noticed a spiritual presence hanging out on my left from time to time this past week. Not when I'm outside though.
• Haven't been outside much.

Daily O. 2A

Today @ 3:

• Still no sign of change yet.
• The whisper of trees, and the feel of the breeze outside the kitchen window is everything to me.
• That gray shed is the doorway to the secret garden and worlds beyond...
• Lucille Ball movie marathon on TCM is about to empty my DVR.
• Was reminded that I knew of a tranny in my high school. She was fearless.
• The song "Avril 14th" by Aphex Twin has been haunting me.
• Its been a long time between hauntings.
• Reinvigorated my Model Mayhem profile. Its more honest.
• My mom is right: Letting the outside in (by way of opening all the windows) is good for the soul. Sometimes.
• Am I escaping too much?
• Had a burning desire to run outside and be a part of it all at 2AM last night.
• Didnt.
• Still in love with the color of my skin.
• Discovered that my thoughts towards my inevitable Husband's nationality are racist. 
• On an enlightened level I do not care. But in my mind there's a preference.
• Love the sound of silence.
• Applied for a job as an A&F model. Ironic.

Mid-Day Image:

www.lamarlewis.com

Daily Observations 1B

Tonight @ 1AM:

• It's been 20 years, and my best friend and I are still spending hours on the phone together.
• Talked about books, TV plot holes, the light and shadow of our twin souls.
• His son, Felix, made good interruptions.
• Still SYTYCD obssessed. Watching the reruns twice, and recording it while simultaneously hunting down YouTube clips is proof of this.
• I file away my favorites knowing full-well I'll be hiring them in due course.
• Cherries are delicious.
• Reinvested in "Game of Thrones" Book 5.
• I've been spending a lot of time alone.
• Flirted with the idea of being a famous pop singer. Thanks, Rihanna.
• Wondering what a "change of direction" looks like, and entails (referencing latest Beacons of Light broadcast at lightworker.com).
• Proud that I've successfully hit a Twitter groove. No longer feel like a pop culture misfit.

Daily Observations 1A

Preface: I've decided that it would be extremely beneficial (in ways I hope to discover) that every day I put down stark, honest, quick observations on myself, my environment, and my daily experiences. Twice daily, that is.

Today @ 3:

• I smell.
• Love my faux-bald do!
• The sun is always calling me.
• Wrote more of "Legacy" bylaws.
• Impressed with the headway I'm making.
• Got deeply stuck on Food Library rules & regs. ... Unprecedented.
• Sex is a distraction (naked men, truly).
• Endeavoring to be more comfortable with recent FB profile photo. Many comments.

Self-Captured Image of Inspiration, Mid-Day Summation:

www.lamarlewis.com